Now with less than two months to go on the job it seems like every week has a new “time”. I think of time now both in small segments and in much larger blocks and of course logically, mortality. I have begun working on my advanced directive. I have joked in the past that the advance directive never seemed like a priority because I was going to live forever. Thinking in large blocks of time I can now see the end. Of course, as I see it it is at the end of a long road. The only way to think of it is far in the distance, but it is still a shift from immortality to mortality.
And even this shift brings a different perspective to the life that remains. I am reminded that the people that I remember best from my work career were those who had and used both heart and head. So I want to be that person too. And let that be my guide as I close out this job and move on to my other work.
I am anxious to do that and at the same time I realized this week that I will need to bring more structure into my day when I am no longer reporting to the job. So what will the morning look like, coffee at my desk and feet up from 7AM to 10AM? 10AM to 1PM out and about and/or exercise. Lunch and homework. I am looking forward to making some nice dinners, cooking.
I will have to put a limit on my internet time and current events browsing. The reality TV can be compelling. Yet noticing that my little cactus has grown is just as important to me, relishing the taste of the coffee, looking at the light reflecting off the leaves out the study window, admiring the beautiful economy of the lily with its sex parts showing.
This observation sends me off on a tangent on all the ways humans have dressed sex. The meanings attached to it. But of course for humans it usually is two so with humans it is more complicated than for the lily. I suppose transgender is the closest humans come to the efficiency of the lily.
With each year that I live I appreciate the seasons more. August at present reminds me of youth. Forever August and forever young. The flowers can not be more colorful. Yet for me the changing seasons are more representative of my life experience, while I acknowledge the desire forever August and forever young is a very human response.